


He Drove All Night

by bitchy_broken



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Angst, F/M, Regret, Self-Acceptance, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-09-19
Packaged: 2018-08-07 13:03:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7715875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitchy_broken/pseuds/bitchy_broken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post S3 ficlet</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He was awake when the call came. He was always awake; ever since that day he let Katie wotsit press her lips against his. He knew he fucked up and things would never be right again.

But she made life so hard for him sometimes. She was always hiding stuff from him; like her feelings and that. She hid her uni acceptance from him and that hurt so bad. It caused a pain deep inside his torso that gnawed at the chasm that was already created when his mum left and widened when his Nan died. What was he supposed to understand from that? He knew what it meant; it meant that she had a bright future ahead of her without a useless no-hoper like him in it. 

But he still loved her so much. He was so angry and hurt that his body shook from the chills caused by her deceit. But he had to go and make himself the bad guy, even though she was in the wrong. He wondered sometimes whether he did it subconsciously; because he knew she deserved more than him. That it would take his betrayal to make her leave him behind.

He would think it through over and over every night as he tried to straighten his duvet from the tangle around his feet. He went over the same ground every sleepless night; rethinking what would happen if he did just one thing different. If he hadn’t asked for a break; if he hadn’t kissed Psycho-Kate; if he’d just kissed her instead of asking for one at the prom; or if he ignored her demands not to got to the station to say goodbye. He considered driving to Bristol to beg for forgiveness time and time again. But he had to let her go, doing all that would defeat the purpose. His heart didn’t matter as long as she was happy and achieving her dreams.

So, he was awake that night just two and half month after her departure when the phone rang in the early hours. He picked up and it was silent. He knew it was her, he felt just like he did that night when she called him in Leeds. He could feel her presence and he knew she must have needed him. He tentatively whispered her name hoping she would reply but he heard a click when the receiver was replaced in its harness. That confirmed it, it was definitely her and she needed him, so he threw a few items into his back pack and headed out to his car. He was going to Bristol to be there for her.


	2. Chapter 2

He gnawed his lip and gripped the steering wheel so tight his knuckles went white for the long drive in the darkness. He had to wind the window down an inch on both driver and passenger sides so the winter breeze would keep him alert. 

Even with the cold nip from the window his stomach felt so full of knots he could spew. Too wound up for the memories his mix tapes would reignite he opted for the safety of Radio 2 with its selection of various eighties hits that played through the early hours.

It was a relief the roads were so empty, he managed to make the journey to Bristol in just over four hours. It was still four hours of muscle tensing worry, agonising about his May. He stumbled out of his car and almost fell to the ground as he tried to use those limbs that had been so strained. He regained his composure and took a further twenty minutes trying to locate the exact building her room was in. He chain smoked as he scoured the halls of residence blocks silently panicking that be had it all wrong and had over reacted to a wrong a number. It might not have been her that called, he could be making a serious mistake and be a most unwelcome visitor.

Finn had almost talked himself out of his mission by the time he found Rae's building. He looked up observing all the windows in darkness. He was going to retreat but noticed the front door was ajar. He knocked on the door and it opened a little further. He stepped in and noticed there was a landing light on up the stairs. He headed in that direction and found he was on the floor where Rae's room was. Her door was also ajar and Finn felt an eerie sense of foreboding as he approached the dark silent room. His hands were clammy and his heart was hammering in his chest as he knocked on her door and croaked out her name.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mentions of self harm in this last part.

He poked his head around the door; his breath quickened, aware of the sound of his own heart beat hammering in his ears as he peered into the darkness.

"Rae?" He almost whispered.

A dim glow from the lamp post outside came through the crack in the curtains and allowed Finn to see an outline in the far corner of the room. It looked like someone was laying in the fetal position on top of the bed cradling their knees up in front of their chest.

Finn cleared his throat and called her name again. "Rae?" He growled trying to make his voice sound stronger than he felt, but he didn't quite manage it.

The figure stopped rocking and they lifted their head and squeaked. "Finn?" There was a moment's pause. "Is that you Finn? She whispered as she looked in his direction.

He cleared his throat again fearful that his voice would give away his fears for her wellbeing. "Yeah it's me girl. I came ta see yer." He stepped further into the room crushing some cartons that had been discarded onto the carpet.

She spoke again. "Is it really you?" Rae sniffled as she sat up on her bed looking over to him.

"Yeah it's really me girl. I thought you called. And I thought you might need us. Well and I wanted to see yer." Finn blurted.

Rae let out a sob and then calmed after she breathed deeply. "I thought I were dreaming when I heard yer voice. I can't believe yer came. I didn't even say anything when I rang. I dunno what I expected from you, so I put the phone down when yer answered and ran back to me room. I don't deserve anybodies help. I ruin things." Rae began to sniffle again.

Finn ran straight towards her and almost tripped on the mountain of litter that covered her floor. He didn't stop to see what it was, he suspected it was food wrappers anyway. But he didn't care at that point, he just needed to throw his arms around her and tell her he was there for her. "I love yer girl, I always be there for yer if you need us." He gripped her tightly. He held her head to his chest and stroked her hair long hair.

She lifted her head to look into his eyes. "What? Yer still love us? After everything that happened? She questioned with confusion apparent all over her scrunched face.

He nodded and made to hold her hand but she flinched when he touched her. He knew from the familiar feel of the fabric that there was a bandage on her hand. He remembered with shame the last time he saw her with a bandage on her hand; she had been scraping the back of her hand on a wall to cope with her feelings and punish herself, and he didn't say a word. He was too scared she would push him away if he questioned her. But she did that anyway; he should have said something.

Finn didn't retract his hand, instead he embraced her fingers with his own. "Of course I still love yer. If you need us I'm here. I don't expect anything from yer. I just want yer safe." He panted and looked to the side and attempted to wipe his tears away without her knowing.

She leant across him and clicked the switch on her bedside lamp. They both blinked as their eyes adjusted to light. She looked poorly. Her eyes were bloodshot red with dark circles below, her clothes were stained and crinkled and her gorgeous hair was greasy and stuck to the side of her face. He could tell she hadn't showered for a while. He suspected that she didn't want to put herself in danger. She had told him once that scolding herself with hot water was always her first outlet for her self punishment.

Finn gulped as he tried to hold back his tears. It was too much to see his vibrant Rae so lost and broken. They both reached for the other to dry their eyes and that's when they smiled. They smiled a genuine smile that came from true affection for one another. 

Rae motioned to the sweet wrappers that lay all about her room and then to herself. "I think you can see from this mess, I've not been coping very well." She tried to joke but her joy didn't reach her eyes.

Finn was relieved that just one hand was bandaged and pointed to it. "When did this happen?" He managed not to cry any further when he questioned her.

"Last week. I haven't been handing my work in on time, well I haven't done any of the work. My tutor said that I lost me place on the course. Which I don't care about. I realised after a week of being ere that I weren't ready. But I haven't got anywhere else to go. What am I gonna do?" She sobbed again and placed her head back to Finn's chest.

He pulled her close and continued to stroke her hair. "You shoulda rang us the moment you knew it were wrong to be here. You can come back wi us now. I'll kip on the sofa and you can have my room.

She lifted her head again with tear filled eyes. "You'd really do that for me?" 

He smiled his familiar, kind, close mouthed smile that made his cheeks squeezable and his eyes sparkle. He nodded. "Of course I would. How-about you get your stuff together while I clean the place up? We can go straight after? 

She returned his smile. "I think we both know I can't go any where looking like this." She motioned down her body. "So perhaps you could tidy round for us while I get cleaned up. We can leave after we've rested?" She motioned to her bed.

"Ok girl. What ever you need. But for the record you always look great to me.

Rae smiled and pecked him on the lips. "Thanks for being you Finn. I'll leave the bathroom door unlocked in case you're worried about us." She smiled at him them turned and walked to the bathroom. It wasn't a cheeky invitation; she knew he knew why she hadn't showered and she wanted to settle his mind. She was letting him know that she was going to be ok.

The end


End file.
